I Will Try to Fix You
by beckyofdownton
Summary: Set during the Marauders' sixth year, Sirius struggles with his feelings for his best friend while trying to maintain his reputation at Will Remus accept him? Rated T for
1. Prologue

_Lights will guide you home..._

"C'mon, Remus! Not much further to go!"

The light at the end of the tunnel was burning before them like some far-off beacon of salvation. With every step they took it seemed like they took one step back. Even with the two of them, moving with Remus struggling between them was getting to be impossible. It was a mistake to have waited this long.

_And ignite your bones..._

This was the worst part. No matter what they had tried to do, nothing had ever dulled the obvious pain Remus endured every month. Not that any of them was particularly skilled at potions but they had given it their best try. In some ways, it was just as painful for them to watch as it was for him to go through.

_I will try to fix you._

Straining against inhuman strength, the three boys very nearly didn't make it. With all their strength they managed to get him out through the tunnel and into the shack. With what wits he had left, the contorted, screaming beast moved away from the door, crashing off down the hallway, tearing chunks of drywall out of the walls and shaking dust from the rafters. They had made it once again and now they had another very long night ahead of them.


	2. Chapter One

"Come on, Sirius, put it away." James whispered harshly, slapping at the star chart in Sirius' hands.

"Look, I think this is miscalculated." Sirius hissed, jabbing at the chart. "It's tonight. Not tomorrow."

"James. I promise you, I got that chart from Professor O'Connell. It's as accurate as a star chart can get." James responded out of the corner of his mouth, his eyes on Professor Flitwick.

"But I think she forgot to account for the leap year in this chart." Sirius responded.

"Drop it, Sirius. We would know if it was the full moon tonight." James replied, nodding slightly at Remus to his right side.

"See how pale he is?" Sirius said, eyebrows raised.

"He's fine." James replied, his voice tense.

"I'm right here! You don't have to talk about me like I'm not here." Remus said, leaning forward and giving the two of them meaningful glances.

"Don't you think it's the full moon tonight, Remus?" Sirius asked, leaning forward over James.

"I don't think so, Sirius. I can always tell these things." Remus replied. "And I'd appreciate it if you kept your voice down."

"But you've been wrong before, Remus!" Sirius interjected.

"I have no-"

"Mr. Lupin! Care to share with the class?" Professor Flitwick demanded, peering over at the three boys.

"Sorry, Professor." Remus replied, clearing his throat.

"Enough." James said harshly after Flitwick had turned away. "I'm pretty sure people have been calculating full moons for literally thousands of years and I don't think someone who does it as their job could be wrong."

"Fine." Sirius said, leaning back in his chair and tucking the star chart away into his backpack.

Sirius spent the rest of the class making very poor attempts at summoning charms. Sirius had calculated and recalculated and all signs pointed to tonight being the night Remus would change. He was sure of it. And Remus did look pale and tired. Even more so than usual and his transformations had become much more erratic recently. Some months Remus had to take the whole day off from school the day before a transformation and some months he didn't experience any discomfort until sunset.

As lunch time approached, Sirius passed by the star chart hung in the great hall. It was affixed on the first of every month and so far nothing had been altered to it. It had been three whole days since the chart had been posted and still nobody had come to fix the error. Sirius was meticulous in his own predictions and he knew that the chart was wrong.

"Remus, I know that chart is wrong." Sirius said, nodding at the star chart as they passed by.

"Sirius, I'm sure the professors would have fixed it if there had been an inscription or miscalculation." Remus replied. "I feel fine."

"I don't believe you. Or them." Sirius said gloomily, walking into the great hall.

The two headed towards the Gryffindor table passing by the Ravenclaw table as they did so. A girl with a shock of red hair and chestnut brown eyes caught Sirius' eye as they passed.

"She fancies you." Remus said matter-of-factually, nudging Sirius in the arm as he noticed the Ravenclaw girl staring at Sirius.

"She does not." Sirius replied, raising an eyebrow.

"I see her looking at you all the time. She's always falling over herself to be your potions partner." Remus laughed, pretending to swoon.

"Don't embarrass me, Moony, I would hate to have to end you after all you've been through." Sirius replied dryly.

Sirius hated it when people teased him about girls, especially when it was Remus. Sirius had hoped that over the years Remus would have realized why and stopped. Sirius was the only one of his friends who had never had a girlfriend. Even Peter had been seeing Eleanor Hutchinson from Hufflepuff for a few weeks. He found women entirely uninteresting and he always had. He had far more time for his friends and, within the last couple years, he had been struggling with the realization that he was in love with Remus. He had done everything in his power to try to hide it but the previous summer, after a bit too much stolen drink from James' parents' liquor cabinet, Sirius had confided in James. It became abundantly obvious that even though James had no problem with it, he would never leave Sirius alone about it.

"Oh, don't show off, Sirius, I'm sure it will only impress her more." Remus grinned as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table.

"What, now?" James asked, already halfway through his meal.

"Oh, Cara Vane from Ravenclaw fancies old Sirius here." Remus said, his eyebrow raised as he sat down on the bench.

"Does she!" James grinned. He turned to Sirius and smiled apologetically.

Sirius wished he wouldn't. James took every chance he could get to apologize for Remus' obliviousness and then went on and on after Remus left about the signs Remus had shown that day that he might be into Sirius. It was entirely exhausting because Sirius knew Remus had no interest in him. He was perfectly content to be Remus' friend and help him in any way he could. He just wanted Remus to be happy whether they were involved romantically or not. That Sirius's love was unrequited and probably never would be was a fact that Sirius had accepted long ago.

"Well, she's very pretty, Sirius, you should talk to her." Peter piped in, mouth full of food.

"She's not my type." Sirius replied shortly, filling his plate with tortière.

"I would love to know what your type is, Sirius, I'm starting to believe that you're not interested in women at all!" Remus laughed.

James immediately turned and shot Sirius what he thought was a subtle yet meaningful look and Sirius raised his eyebrows and shook his head slightly.

"I am, but I'm picky." Sirius replied defensively, trying to cover for James' glaringly obvious look. "Unlike you lot who will date anything that gives you goo-goo eyes."

"Harsh!" James replied, feigning shock.

Remus didn't reply, but Sirius could tell Remus had noticed James' meaningful look. Narrowing his eyes at Sirius, Remus crossed his arms.

"What?" Sirius asked nonchalantly, fork halfway to his mouth.

"What was that look all about, James? Subtlety was never your most honed skill." Remus asked.

James sighed.

"Well, Sirius, the cat's out of the bag." James sighed, shrugging. "I've got to tell them."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up and he kicked James hard under the table.

"Do. Not." Sirius hissed, leaning forward.

"Nope, Sirius, you can't hide it anymore. Not from your friends!" James exclaimed, wincing slightly as Sirius' foot collided with his shin.

"I absolutely can!" Sirius exclaimed, trying to pull James off the bench by his robes.

"James is in love with Lily Evans!" James yelled, trying to fight Sirius.

Half of the Gryffindor table and a portion of the Ravenclaw table turned towards the four boys at the end of the table. A silence fell over their section of the hall and then whispering broke out like a plague amongst the students.

"I AM- wait, what?!" Sirius' hands dropped to his sides.

"Are you bloody serious?" Remus laughed, his face lighting up like a Christmas tree. "Sirius, that's hilarious!"

Quickly gathering his wits, Sirius punched James hard in the shoulder and sat back down.

"That is a lie." Sirius said, face red.

"Sirius, you don't have to keep it to yourself anymore. Your undying love for my girlfriend doesn't have to be a secret." James replied, rubbing his shoulder where Sirius had punched him.

"Well, I never." Peter muttered.

"A shock to us all!" James nodded.

"You are a liar." Sirius nodded vigorously.

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much." Remus sighed.

"Oh, sod off." Sirius grumbled, shovelling the rest of his tortière into his mouth before grabbing his book bag, shouldering it and leaving the table.

He was out of the Great Hall and headed up the staircase by the time Remus caught up to him. For once, Sirius wished he would go away. Walking in silence, Remus put his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

"I know he's making it up to have a laugh." Remus said gently.

"He is!" Sirius exclaimed, adjusting the weight of his bag on his shoulder.

"It was a pretty stupid thing to say, then." Remus said slowly.

"It was." Sirius agreed.

"But, Sirius, if he was lying, then what was that whole deep, meaningful glance for?" Remus asked slowly.

Sirius' stomach tied up in knots. He could lie to to professors. He could lie to the headmaster. Damn, he could even lie to the minister for magic if it came to it, but when it came to lying to his friends, it was nearly impossible.

"I don't want to talk about it." Sirius grumbled.

"Okay." Remus said, clearly hurt. "I just thought that if you could talk to James about it you could talk to me about it."

"Remus, it's not like that, okay? I don't have to tell anyone anything." Sirius shot back, a little more harshly than expected.

"Look, Sirius, I'm trying to help you. You don't have to tear into me like this every time I try to see what's really going on under that suave, overly self-confident mask you put on." Remus said, stopping in his tracks.

"Well, Remus," Sirius could feel anger boiling up inside him and he stopped a couple steps higher than Remus and turned around. "Ever thought that maybe if I wanted you to know I would have bloody well told you? Well, I didn't. It's none of your business and I'd appreciate it if you got off my back for once."

An array of emotions played over Remus' face as he took in what Sirius had said.

"Fine!" Remus said. "Don't you flatter yourself by thinking your struggles are so special and almighty that you can't share them with other people like no one else could ever understand. You're gay, Sirius. I've known it since we were kids."

Remus pushed past Sirius and was gone around the corner before he could do anything. Sirius managed to move himself up the stairs and moved towards the Fat Lady in a dark haze. If Remus had known then why had he teased him all these years? If Remus could tell, how many others had figured it out?

When Sirius arrived in the common room, awkward silence spread like wildfire. He had nearly forgotten that he was now apparently in love with Lily Evans. It would be the talk of the school for days and there was nothing he could do to avoid it. He was being watched like a hawk as he moved across the room. Shooing a first year out of his favourite armchair by the fire, he slumped down and shut his eyes. Things had gone from bad to worst but he figured he might as well bask in the spotlight while he could. Lulled by the rain that had started to fall earlier that morning, Sirius fell asleep.

It wasn't until closer to dinner time that Peter and James showed back up in the common room and woke him up.

"Seen Remus?" James asked, sitting down across from Sirius at the fire.

Sirius didn't say anything.

"Come on, Sirius, I had to cover for you! It was the first thing I could think of!" James said apologetically, leaning forward closer to Sirius.

Sirius sighed. "Next time, don't."

Sirius laughed and looked up at the clock. "Nearly dinner time. I haven't seen Remus all afternoon." he lied.

James shrugged. "I'm going up to change."

Peter nodded.

Sirius smiled and waved them off. He had a really hard time holding a grudge, especially when his friends meant well.

As the clock ticked from 5:00 to 5:20, Sirius was starting to get worried that he hadn't seen Remus come downstairs for dinner. It was unlike him to be anything but on-time for any occasion. James and Peter had already gone down to dinner but Sirius said that he would wait. He needed to talk to Remus about what he had said. Finally as the clock ticked 5:25, Sirius got up and made his way hurriedly down to the Great Hall. When he arrived, he found Peter, James and Remus sitting together.

As soon as he saw Remus, he knew he had been right earlier. James turned as Sirius approached and gave him a concerned look. They knew, too, then. As the clock struck 5:30, Professor Dumbledore stood up and made his announcements. To the group's dread, their fears were confirmed.

"It was brought to my attention that there was a minor transcription error on the star chart affixed to the main boards outside the Great Hall. The full moon will take place tonight. This may affect certain Astronomy class observation times. Please consult with your professors accordingly. " Dumbledore announced. His gaze then fell from the students at large down to the four friends at the Gryffindor table just long enough to be meaningful.

"Professor Dumbledore called me to his office after lunch." Remus said. His voice echoed emptily. "He said that the error was because whomever transcribed Professor O'Connell's notes had missed the point about accounting for the Leap Year. Professor Dumbledore explained that he had mistakenly believed that I relied more on my own body than the star charts and apologized for not catching the mistake more quickly."

Sirius felt his stomach tighten in panic.

"We need to leave." Sirius said quickly, forgetting the issues from earlier.

"We'll be seen leaving. This is _the _worst time to leave for the Willow." Peter said, his voice quavering slightly.

"Well, we can't bloody well stay here." James said under his breath.

"Okay. Remus, you and James leave in a few minutes. Then I'll get up a couple minutes after that. Peter, you come last. Try to grab some food for us if you can." Sirius said.

"Why am I always last?" Peter whined.

"Shut it, Peter. Do it." James hissed.

With that, Peter fell silent. He nodded.

"Go." Sirius said to James and Remus.

James and Remus got up together and moved quickly and quietly out of the hall.

Food materialized on the tables and Peter immediately started stuffing his pockets with Yorkshire puddings, crackers and buns. Sirius made sure Remus and James were out of the room before he stood up, stretched dramatically and shouldered his bag.

"'Night, Peter." Sirius yawned loudly enough for the table to overhear him.

Quickly, Sirius strode across the Hall, looking over his shoulder to make sure Peter was doing what he was told. He made it out of the Hall and was halfway down the corridor towards the front doors when he was stopped dead in his tracks.

"Going somewhere?" a reedy voice called out from behind him. Sirius turned around slowly to see Argus Filch moving towards him looking extremely smug.

"No, sir. Just for a post-dinner stroll." Sirius replied casually.

"I'm sure you are." Filch said, his upper lip curling. "Saw your other friends coming through here a moment ago, I did."

"Did you?" Sirius asked, his heart pounding. He knew James wouldn't be able to get Remus into the tree alone and the nights were certainly getting shorter. It was already dark out and it wouldn't be long until the moon rose.

"I did. Saw them going outside, I did." Filch nodded, his eyes wide with victory.

To Sirius' great fear, he saw Peter coming out of the Hall, his pockets bulging with food. Trying not to let Filch see what he was doing, Sirius motioned very subtly with his hand for Peter to get out of sight.

Peter didn't get the picture and Filch noticed Sirius' motions.

"Aha! I've got you now!" Filch laughed, whirling to see Peter coming towards them. "And where are you going with all that food?"

"Picnic." Peter replied weakly, eyes wide.

"Nice night for it." Filch nodded wildly. It was pouring with rain outside.

"Mr. Filch, I assure you that I have permission from Professor Dumbledore." Sirius tried, desperately.

"Well, I'm sure you won't mind coming with me to my office while I go ask the headmaster about his special dispensation for a midnight, rain-filled picnic?" Mr. Filch smiled.

"Of course not. Peter would be happy to go with you, wouldn't you?" Sirius smiled. "You're the one going on the picnic. I'll be heading upstairs now, Mr. Filch."

Peter's face fell as Filch grabbed his shoulder and steered him off towards the direction of his office. Sirius turned and walked up the staircase, fully aware that Filch would not take his eyes off him until he had disappeared around the corner at the top of the stairs.

As soon as he was sure Filch and Peter had disappeared, he rushed down the stairs and back out towards the main doors. Normally he would never use the main doors but tonight he had no choice. In minutes, he was out of the doors and running down the front lawns toward the Willow, rain pelting him in the face as he ran.

The moon was already starting to climb in the sky and he knew they didn't have much time. Barrelling along slick grass, his trainers soaked with mud and lawn trimmings, he made it to the Willow in record time. The tree had been immobilized, and there was no sign of James or Remus. As quickly as he could, he ran towards the mouth of the tunnel, sounds of snarling and guttural growls growing louder and louder as he approached.

Barely on time, Sirius slid into the hole. This had not been one of their finer nights.


End file.
